Conflict Resolution

I remember in nursing school a teacher talked to us on this topic. She also stated that anytime nurses are asked what they want a seminar on, they always answer “conflict resolution.” I laughed when she said that because I thought I could handle conflict fine. Once I joined the real world though, I realized many times I was avoiding conflict all together (which obviously isn’t healthy).

Conflict is going to happen. It happens every day, to every person, in every job and in every relationship (even the healthy ones) and in every situation. I mean can two people really agree on EVERYTHING? I think not. The biggest issue then is how we handle it—do we avoid it or deal with it? Also, there seems to be healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with conflict. When we avoid it or deal with it in the wrong way, relationships can end up damaged. But, I think relationships can grow, if we handle conflict in a respectful way and try to compromise.

So, how do we deal with it? I am looking for the same answer, because it seems like I am not the only person struggling with this. After reading a lot on this, here are my thoughts on the healthiest ways to deal with conflict. Both parties need to be able to control their emotion by being respectful, calm, and not getting defensive when discussing the issue. Also, both parties need to be willing to give up a little in order to meet a compromise. Lastly, both parties need to be willing to forgive and forget without resenting or holding a grudge against the other person once the conflict is resolved.

Yes, I know, that is A LOT easier said than done, so I decided to pick up the good book and see what it says: (The Message version)

Bible Verses dealing with conflict

Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet? – Amos 3:3

Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. – Ephesians 4:26

Be even tempered, content with second place, quick to forgiven an offense. Forgive as quickly and contently as the master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic all-purpose garment. Never be without it. – Colossians 3:13-14.

Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourself long enough to lend a helping hand. – Philippians 2:2-4

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.– James 1:2-4

Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.” Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don’t let evil get the best of you, get the best of evil by doing good. – Romans 12:17-21

Friends and/or happiness

As I think about what to write about, I want to rant and rave about some things. Then I realize no one wants to read a rant and rave blog; they want to read something that really makes them think. So here is what I have been thinking about: how to live out what I believe in. It is hard to live out your beliefs when they go against everything in this world, especially when you hang out with people that don’t believe the way you do. It is hard when the people you call “friends” end up bringing you down.

After a long “coffee shop” chat with a friend yesterday, I took a step back and analyzed my week. “Why on this day was I so happy… why on this day was I in such a funk.” After praying, thinking, and chatting about it, I came to the conclusion: many times the way we feel has a lot to do with the people we surround ourselves with. No, not everyone is perfect (actually no one is), but when we surround ourselves with people that bring out our good qualities rather than people that bring out our “bad” qualities, we can see a difference in our happiness. Is this the same for everyone, or just a battle I am struggling in? Think about it.

My goal for the week: surround myself with the people that bring out the best in me and have an accountability partner (you know who you are) to help me through the days when I struggle to do so.

Snappy Turt

You know when you have one of those weeks when everyone annoys you. Then the question gets asked “is something wrong” and it annoys you. People comments always seems stupid and when a question gets asked more than once you just want to yell “JUST LISTEN.” That is the week I am having. Thank the Lord tomorrow is Sunday, because that means it is a new week and this "snappy turt" attitude has got to go.

Reality Check

You see when I first got to Nashville, I just wanted to find friends. I joined groups and met tons of people. Now I wonder, are they really all my friends? Would I do anything for them? See the statement “quality over quantity” comes to mind here. I have a huge quantity of friends here, but do I really have quality friends? I am saying this more of an observation of myself, not of my friends.

When I start thinking of qualities I think a friend should have, these come to mind:

1. Counting on each other.

2. Trusting each other.

3. Listening (really listening) to each other.

4. Giving advice to each other - although maybe not the advice wanted.

5. Understanding each other.

6. Not judging each other.

7. Sharing with each other.

8. Forgiving each other.

9. Encouraging each other.

Would I really be willing to do anything for my "friends" and vice versa? Would I be willing to listen to my "friends" and vice versa? Do I judge my "friends" and vice versa?... etc... you get the picture...

This thought came to mind when my small group had the discussion of decisive answers: “let your yes be yes and your no be no.” Do not change your mind. Anyways, I seem to have a problem saying “yes” to everything and sometimes backing out. (which I would say is NOT being a trustworthy friend)… So that is what I am going to start working on: being a friend instead of trying to make friends. I am not going to cut anyone out of my life pursay but I am going to try to be intentional about who I call a friend. I am not going to say “we should get coffee sometime” when in all reality I don’t care to get coffee.

Thoughts?

Made to Crave

I am reading a good book on my kindle right now called “Made to Crave” by Lysa Terkeurst. The book is really making me think. God gave us all this crazy brain enzyme that makes us crave things (ha not too scientific I know)…Everyone has their different craving… some satisfy it with food, others with drinks, others with sex. Some satisfy it with shopping, others with work (being on top), others with money, and the list goes on and on. What if we are meant to satisfy that craving with God: with His love, with His power, through our prayer.

One of my favorite quotes from this book is “we consume what we think about, and what we think about can consume us if we are not careful.” You see, if every time we craved something, we prayed instead, would we be satisfied? Just a thought.

"Gluttony is a grievous sin, according to theology, if it induces us to find all our contentment in the gratifying of our appetites (not only food). But this is almost all our society offers us today; the only strenuousness of activity to which we are excited. We are left with a hollow at our core, a sinking feeling in our spirits from day to day." - Henry Fairlie

First Blog

So as I start a blog I have no clue what to blog about… my life- hmmm that’s a little broad, my travels- well no, I have no trips planned (as of now), my food- that’s a possibility, but possibly obsessive, my faith- another possibility, but… "but what?” I’m not sure.

“Wait, I have no clue how to work you, website. What does all of this setup stuff mean? Just hand me a cute page. You pick all the colors and schemes and let me talk. You do the typing because I think too fast to type it all.”

Once I realized the computer wasn’t listening to me I decided it would be a blog about whatever I feel like blogging about. Who know, I may not even keep up with this thing. I also realized I need to start using a camera a lot more. A blog is like a book: a lot more interesting when there are pictures (okay, so maybe not too many books have pics any more… but it was a thought). Check back in a week or so and see if I am actually writing or if I am just wasting a website page.

Adios.